An open letter to boys with no tact

openletter

Dear boys,

I’m going to persist with calling you ‘boys’ because until you prove yourself to be anything other, you don’t perhaps warrant the title of ‘man’. You may think you’re a stud and a big hit with all the girls you croon ‘babe’ to, but do you want to know something? Hold onto your hats while I drop a massive truth bomb: you’re actually kind of creepy and there are several reasons why. I think that my sister and I have had several downright hilarious experiences with boys who think they’re the next Ryan Gosling, so I think I’m qualified enough to address you all; please allow me to be the spokesperson for all women who are put off by your advances and completely turned off by your ‘game’ or lack thereof. Listen up, you there in the front!

When you have as much game as Ryan Gosling. then you can use lines like this.

When you have as much game as Ryan Gosling. then you can use lines like this.

Firstly, and probably the most important thing to remember is that being too sexually explicit can have the complete opposite effect to your original intentions and can leave a girl shocked and uncomfortable. We live in a society where sex has turned into a commodity. This is glaringly obvious with the popularity of dating apps such as Tinder, where all you need to do is send an incredibly forward message and BOOM, sex for all! But if you get a message like that over Facebook from a guy friend you talk to fairly regularly? Oh god NO, make it stop! It’s both surprising and if you’re not feeling it, incredibly awkward! Please take this in, being too forward is not always sexy; you can’t talk sexy to her until she eventually gives in! Especially if the unsuspecting girl is just that…unsuspecting! This isn’t to say that you can’t compliment a girl or her features, but telling her how juicy her rack may be? Perhaps not, yeah?

That said, we can link nicely to point nombre deux: a bit of subtlety can go a long way. Make a girl laugh with what you’re saying, make her think about you and what you’re like, be at least a bit interesting and thoughtful. Be kind and be comfortable enough with a girl you’re interested in to, heaven forbid, show a bit of your own personality! Don’t just launch into all the reasons you think she’s gorgeous and perfect and how much you love her…especially if you’ve only just met her! There’s no need to go in all guns blazing all the time! Subtlety = tact and a bucket-load of ‘good game’ points. Y’know, if that’s what you want.

Finally, a key ingredient to not being THAT tactless guy – you must listen and read the signals she’s giving you. My sister has had this before with a boy who had no clue what he was on about. He was the definition of creepy and was guilty of all of the things we’ve discussed above. She tried telling him nicely, she tried telling him she needed space away from him, she tried everything but he did not get it. Don’t be that guy, please! Can you not see that listening is important? Not only in a these kinds of scenarios, but if you cannot listen and read people’s body language in the real life too, you may have trouble developing any kinds of relationships.

Now before you raise your hackles and start snapping at me, yes I know these antigentlemen (as I shall call them) are in the minority and, yes of course girls can be just as bad. Perhaps this is a lesson that everyone can learn to some extent? But hey, these are my opinions, it’s a blog! You know me well enough by now to know to take everything with a little bit of salt!

So hopefully with my handy points compiled from numerous girly chats and personal experiences, if you think you might fall into the category of hopelessly tactless with a touch of disturbingly cringey, you now know that it’s time to reassess and I wish you luck.

Love from, Lizzie

Now playing: A Day To Remember – Heartless

An open letter to my best friend

I’ve seen a few of these kinds of posts on several other blogs recently and now I feel that the time is right for me to do one of my own. I know I’ve taken inspiration from the people around me a lot lately, but this has been a particularly difficult patch which has both worsened and been more manageable due to those around me. I hope you get a sense of what it’s like to be a 20 year old from this post and some of the ones that have come before it :)


Yo beastie,

I still remember the day when we decided we were best friends. It was last year and I wanted to change your name in my phone to mark the momentous occasion. I misspelt ‘bestie’ and it turned out as ‘beastie’ and that stuck like cotton wool on Velcro. You ripped into me for that, I remember, but adopted it all the same and over the last year, that’s what you’ve been to me. My beastie. A term that has altered meanings several times and become as complicated as the situation we’ve found ourselves in now.

It’s strange to think that I’ve only known you for a year and a few months, because I feel like I’ve known you for a lot longer. You know things about me that people I’ve known since primary school don’t, heck, even my parents don’t know most of it. You understand me on a different level. You’ve let me be vulnerable around you and have been my closest source of support during some difficult transitional stages in the roller coaster that has been the last year of my life.

Perhaps we shouldn’t have tried to change that.

Maybe it would’ve been better if we’d stayed in the primary manifestation of beasties? Rather than taking things a step further and ending up fucking each other over.

Because that’s what’s happened now, isn’t it? You’ve hurt me pretty badly, I’ve never shed as many tears over someone as I have over the past few months over you.

I’ve hurt you too though. I wasn’t perfect. I tried my hardest because heaven only knows that I’d do anything for you. I think you know that too, don’t you?

We made errors in the beastie mark 2 phase and fucked each other over.

I’m writing this because I can’t sleep. I have so many thoughts swirling around my head and the majority are about you. I want to say these things to you in person but you know me, I start mumbling and can’t manage to choke anything out. I miss you terribly and that’s what I want you to know more than anything. I miss you and I love you.

One of our friends said to me that you can’t invite someone else into your life until you’ve sorted it out for yourself and you’re happy with it. My mum said that same thing to me in the summer, I told you about it, remember? That’s what I need to do right now. This situation has messed me up enough and made me so poorly. Now I want to work me out and call the shots for a change. You’ve got such a beautifully strong personality that you can drown me out when we have chats like this but now it’s my turn and I’m the one being strong. I need you in my life, but as beastie version 1. For now at least. Maybe we can re-evaluate another time, perhaps we could see what happens after I come back from my year in France next year? When we’re both more stable. I’d like that :)

I still need you as my best friend though. Let’s take the Christmas holidays to lick our respective wounds and do stupid shit that people our age do and then in January maybe we could make chilli? Our chilli is the best. Or some more eggs and bacon? I promise I’ll chop the bacon faster this time!

I still think (and always will) that you’re the best guy who’s ever loudly and abrasively stumbled into my life and I hope you’re not too cross I’ve used you for inspiration again. Please don’t call me a penis again!

See you tomorrow hopefully, library at 11ish?

Lusms beastie

Lizzie :)